not the right answer

No-Good-Very-Bad-Day - someecard com

Today all the Swedish flags are flying high because of The Nobel Prize Ceremonial – but my spirit isn’t flying very high. Can’t say that my “just now moment” is on fire … but my “sorry ass” is!!!!!

This afternoon was my first meeting with the specialists about my “sorry ass” – and the answer I got wasn’t the right one for me, so now I have to adjust my mental status.

So many of you have been asking how I’m doing … with my problem … and the last couple of weeks hasn’t been the greatest and today I found out that probably that’s what is going to be for me until the day I hand in my notice.

Martin, the doctor, very nice man and charming – said that he are 98% sure that my problems are caused by all the radio therapy and if that is the case, there is nothing they can do to ease my problem, because it’s a burn damage – no medicine will ease or heal. Just like with my bladder. It’s not like I can close it down to let rest and get a chance to heal up.

There can a be a little light in the tunnel and that is that they found a infection in my colon and they have to look closer into – that can effect the blood veins and cause the swelling in my colon, but he doesn’t think that is the case.

So they are now sending me on to “the last stop” and that will not happen until next year. Martin suggested that I should try go back on suppository – even if it stings, and increase them to 3 times per day for at least 4 weeks, the best laid plan just now.

Here I’m on a dead end street … and something else is added for me to try to arrange my life around. Another discomfort that will be added to my everyday. I reacted a lot stronger on today’s news than I did 3,5 years ago when they told me that I had cancer.

I have always said that life is a bitch – and it’s okay to be bitchy back … but not tonight.

So now my “sorry ass” and I going under the duvet – we are going to feel sorry for ourselves for a while. We are going to cuddle up and have a good cry. *smile

“They say life’s a bitch.
Well you should see the look she’s giving me”

Life-is-a- Bitch-timelinecoverbook com

Photos and images provide by and thanks to:

61 thoughts on “not the right answer

  1. There isn’t a damn thing on here to like. Except your humor. I know it doesn’t help but I cussed out loud when I read that.

    What I don’t get, is that it went for a very long time NOT hurting. So why did it develop and hurt now? And you had that reprieve when you went to NYC, so SOMETHING made it feel better?

    While your under there, that duvet, I hope you grab some ice cream. And if I was a drinker I would choose some thing that goes good with ice cream. But I don’t know what that is. So if you know, grab it too. The ice cream and companion liquor can keep you company.

    Viveka, I’m so sorry for this news. But I don’t believe the doctor. I think there IS something that takes the pain away, it happened when you went to NYC!!!!

    My thoughts, Viveka, are under the covers with you cussing out this news something fierce.

    • Colleen, the doctor said that burn damage like this .. there isn’t anything as such that can help, because both the bladder and the colon is working all the time, never empty and can heal.
      It could be that the infection can make it a bit worst, but he was very sure that the problem is here to stay.
      Why the problem went away for the NYC trip … I don’t know, because it didn’t go away when I went to Ireland. So it’s not that it doesn’t want to fly *smile

      I had a bowl of ice cream … but it just help so long there was ice cream left. In bed now with my net-book, but it really hurts … time for Lucky Piller.

      Tomorrow is another day. *smile
      Thanks for sharing my anger.

      • You are utterly amazing. I hope you rest well. Today is a big day for our little family here. I will think of you today and send some wishes for a painless day filled with smiles and some laughter.

      • Colleen, I toke a sleeping pill last night – still a bit messed up in my head, but I slept very well … but still so sore from yesterday … don’t have a clue how I will try to live with this. But I feel a lot better mentally today, thanks. But the laughter is not on my radar just now. In plain English – I feel bloody awful. *smile

      • 😦 I’m sorry you feel so horrible. I just think there must have been something that made you feel better when you went on your trip. A food you ate? Something that made it less painful, and it just isn’t known what it was yet. I do hope there is more out there to give you comfort.

      • Colleen, don’t be sad on my behalf – it’s what it is and I have to come to terms with it – but my world here will be effected by it and that is upsetting too.
        Been with friends over the weekend and it has helped my mental statues a lot. Painkiller has to do the rest. *smile

      • Colleen, I hope for the same … had a sore week, but have some relief tonight.
        Colleen,thank you so much for your toughts, care and support.

  2. How dreadful for you Viveka. I do sympathise. Do pain pills give you any relief? Have a friend who has a permanent headache which they can’t cure either. Had it for years. Won’t take pills as she doesn’t want to be a zombie.

    • Jo, there isn’t any cream or pills that can relief for what is going on inside my colon – but I take pain killers .. that mess with my head *laughing. That makes me to a zombie, that is the right word, need to sleep. Permanent headache, my god – poor woman. Pain is just draining life … and spirit.

  3. So sorry, sweetheart. I came to drop a link to my Narnia post to cheer you up after a rough day, but hearing this it doesn’t seem like a great idea. You know where to find me when you need a hug. I only wish I could do something more useful. 🙂 Love you, Vivi.

    • Jo, I need all the hugs .. I can get!!! Not in the best state of mind just now – but I know that I will bite back .. it’s just the pain the scars upsets me – and not be able to sit, walk or lay down without it. Already a sore bladder.
      Tomorrow maybe the sun is up *smile – thank you so much for everything.

  4. Oh dear Viveka, I wished to be there now, I am sorry to hear your problem. Please don’t misunderstand me, but have you known this medicine “Biafine” it is French, I know because of one of our famous lady used this and it was successful. Love, hugs and all positive feelings for you dear Viveka, love, nia

    • Thank you so much, Nia … “Biafine” – have I heard about … but my burn damage is inside my colon – and after checking with help of Google, is it a topical creme.
      I don’t feel that great for the moment … sore after the examination too. Hopefully tomorrow I will get a better distance to it all. *smile

  5. I think it sounds fine to be sorry for yourself, and I can completely understand it. I think you have a tough road ahead and I hope you will be fine on it. Take care and rest. After suffering some back problems in the last week and a bit and not being able to sit, I can imagine a tiny bit how hard this is for you.

    • Leanne, thank you so much …. I have been so spoiled through life – haven’t had much pain in my life … and since my cancer treatment – it just adds on and on.
      First with my bladder that is so sore too. Because of all the side effects – I can’t really be free for the cancer journey, being constantly reminded. I really try my best to live the life I want to live – tonight isn’t a good night for stay strong.

  6. So sorry that the answer to your problem is no answer. Your friends all wish we could take away your pain…short of that, you have our thoughts and prayers. Hopefully, you will have some pain free days to lift your spirits. 🙂

    • Thank you … the doctor wasn’t so sure there will be something for me – because with those burn damages and with not able to let the colon rest.
      He told me there is so many cancer patients with the same problem as me … didn’t change my mind setting, but they probably know what they are talking about.
      Gone back on my old medicine now .. hopefully it will ease a bit in the bitter end. *laughing

  7. ‘Here I’m on a dead end street … and something else is added for me to try to arrange my life around.’ So very true. Learning to cope and carry on. You are a strong lady.

    • So true … don’t know if I’m that strong … but I don’t have much of an option. Honesty I don’t know how will be able to arrange my life around not being able to walk, sit or lay down … without discomfort – hard to get that on the radar. But my mind is feeling a bit better today. Thank your for your lovely comment.

    • Bebs, thanks a million. Feeling a bit better today – but it’s not a good day. We are all survivors in some way … but there is days I just want my old life back.
      You’re so kind … thanks for your care!

    • Andy, thank you so much for your time .. and kindly comment. Feeling a bit better mentally today, but … otherwise is it a rough and sore day.
      Great thanks … from south of Sweden. *smile

  8. Yes- the ‘like’ button here isn’t very appropriate. It’s more like – I was here and feel your pain. Which we don’t. It must be sucking very big time. The dead end’s are the worst. I found myself at times looking at a doctor like they were god. Like ‘what do you mean you don’t know what it is or how to fix it.’ I’m sorry. And I believe you will get to a place of making the best of it because you seem to be that kind of person.
    xox wendy

    • Wendy, what I’m most disappointed on is that there was no information what so ever about the side effects from the radio therapy that can come later. Got information what to do after the removal of the tumor, but about the radio therapy nothing. So when injuries now pops up so long time after the treatment is over – it’s so difficult to handle it. Most side effects after cancer treatments are permanent the radio therapy do more damage than anything else, especially when it’s used in the lover part of our body where there is so much in the way.
      I’m sure, like with the other side effects I have to live with … I will be able to arrange my life around and with it, but this is a tough one. Feeling a lot better today, thank you so much for being here for me.

  9. Well, the like button is not very approprite here, but it got pressed. I’m so sorry about this pain and inconvenience for you. I know you are the strongest lady, but, to be able to accept is tough indeed. I do think you should try alternative medicine – if you haven’t done that already. I know miracles happen! I have friends with constant pain who feel much better now with this medicin. Every pain is different, I know, but do try other things than school medicine too. There’s nothing to lose.
    Hugs to you tonight.

    • A-C, thank you so much … haven’t tried alternative medicine, because when it’s about the colon, there only alternative medicine for “outside” use. As a chef, there is one kind of injuries we should never play around with and that is burns, so I have great respect for the injury. But I’m now back on the first medicine they gave me – that was impossible for to take in August because the stinging was to intense and also increased the amount – and if feels a bit better today and I didn’t need to take any pain killer or sleeping tablet last night. Going away for the weekend, incl a shopping trip to Ullared, so that will take my mind of things …
      I wish you a great weekend .. and I see you next week.

  10. Uh oh, it didn’t then 😦 So very sorry Viveka. I hope the new treatment, however hard, helps a bit. Lots of love and hugs all the way from india!
    PS: The shopping trip should help a teeny weeny bit 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.