to all the men – my shades … (volume 2)

“There is always some madness in love.
But there is also always some reason in madness.”
Friedrich Nietzsche

… so now I have come to the 2 main men in my life, Hans and Torbjörn. Two fantastic and wonderful men, but so different.

I have always said that I rather have a relationship with an ocean between my partner and me … then having an ocean between us when laying in the same bed. I manage to go through both and didn’t handle it very well


.Let’s start with Hans. We were together for 5 years. Superintelligent German man, spoke 6 languages, even Swedish that he had learned from a dictionary. We met when he was on his way to Volvo in Gothenburg together with some of his enginers for the first time aboard a ferry. He was head the diesel engine development for Volkswagen and lived of course in Wolfsburg. We had a great evening aboard with dancing and talking, when we said goodnight I offered to show them Gothenburg the next day if they were interested … and he phoned me from Volvo only a few hours later, but only him and I.


Hans was very German and lacked a bit of humor, but such a darling … stable, caring, reliable and warm. My mum loved him.


Every year did we 3 weeks’ holiday driving around in France in fancy test Audi 100 and Audi 200 but he refused to take me to Paris, he hated it … and I understand today exactly and I dislike it too. He spoke fluent French, we really enjoyed each company … even if there could be some tiffs.

Hans always said that it doesn’t matter what car you drive so long it’s German and silver metallic. *smile – big color in the ’80s!


He worked very closely with of course with Audi, but also with Fait, Mitsubishi, and Volvo, in those days they all where using VW’s diesel engines. That meant he traveled all the time and then there was the distance between Gothenburg and Wolfburg, but he loved to drive and he was a super diver. We didn’t see each other that often and when we did was it so intense, so that created some problems.


In 1977 he did an event … he drove an Audi around the world in 80 days and on the same time I signed on “Lindblad Explorer” and sailed around the world, but it meant I was away more than 9 months longer … and it was a lot of time to catch up on when we met. I flew directly to Frankfurt and him .. from Hong Kong with another man in the back of my head. I never told Hans about the 3 encounters I had before and under my time aboard. We became engaged, but our relationship wasn’t the same.


In 1980 I became pregnant and that put everything upside down. Hans wasn’t willing to leave VW for Volvo, because it meant he had to work 3 years before leaving on a different department, all due to industrial secrets. Volvo said a big yes to him, but … and I couldn’t see myself living in Wolfburg breathing cars .. or not even in Hannover that was an option.  Neither could I see me as a single mum, so … I had an abortion, that didn’t go that well, retained placenta and became seriously sick.


This put so much strain on us .. and we never really talked about it. And … we broke up as friends, no hard feelings. A couple of years later I was visiting Hannover with some of my staff and I wrote to Hans, he never answered me … but suddenly during our dinner, he entered the venue – and he gave the girls and me a fantastic evening in Hannover. The last time I saw him. I really liked Hans. Have tried to find him through Google, I would love to know how he is doing. All I have found is an article with his name attached to from 1991 (VW’s Gasoline Direct Injection (GDI) Research Engine).

Herr Hans-Jochime Grabe, I hope life has and is gentle to you.

In 1988 -1989 was I in a very immature relationship with Ingvar and in the end of it I met Torbjörn, good friends had invited us both to a weekend party in hope that we should “click” and we did.


Ingvar and I met at a Union meeting. He had a big personality, bigger than life … and great on the eyes too. He was in a very bad relationship and I wasn’t really ready for becoming a mistress, but he told me that it will end soon, but he wanted her to end it. And it only took a couple of months and he phoned and said that he was coming over to stay.


We moved together in a very nice house in the pretty town of Falkenberg … but it didn’t a long time before I realized that he wasn’t a man that I could live with. One thing is to be a mistress and totally different thing to be fulltime. He smoked, snored and drank too much … plus he acted as a small boy when there was any problem. He jumped straight into his car and drove home to mum and hoped the problems would solve themselves.


One day I found a note telling me that I had 3 months to move out – just like I had been the housekeeper. To be honest I felt like too many times.

It was during those 3 months I met gentle Torbjörn.

8 years younger than me, what a fantastic combination … a younger man and me = match in heaven. Torbjörn, the most gentle soul … and heart, but he was always sitting on the fence, could never make his mind up. He is a Gemini. He was the best thing that happened to me then.


He was so afraid of what his family was going to say about our age difference, but they embraced me straight away. He has the most wonderful family, his parents are now dead.

We also became parents to two wonderful cats; Whiskey and Zoda.


On my 40th birthday batch, we got engaged and the year after I was asked of my employer to work in Canada and the USA. I expected before I talked to Torbjörn … so terribly done of me. I did my time in Canada came back to Sweden … and 2 years later I was offered the UK.

©mitrasites com

This time we talked over and he didn’t like at all but gave in … it was only going to be for a year and when they wanted me to stay longer, they offered also Torbjörn a job, but it was very poorly handled and he had to wait and wait in Brighton while I was working my butt off all over the UK and Ireland.

He missed his family and his friends … and decided to return to Sweden, but we didn’t break up … but it was never the same again. So when I was in Gothenburg on Valentine’s Day it came to an end. No hard words between us but I was very upset over our loss, but we stayed friends.

We met up when I was in Sweden for the following Christmas and he told me that he had met a woman and was very happy, he was afraid that I would be upset, I think she was in the picture already in February. She was married and she left her marriage for Torbjrörn. They have been married for 10 years now and happy, what I understand. So happy for them.

“One more try” was our song … and the lyrics reflexes our relationship in many ways. I really loved him, even if I had a very strange way to show it.

“One more try”
George Michael 

“Cause teacher
There are things that I don’t want to learn
And the last one I had
Made me cry
So I don’t want to learn to
Hold you, touch you
Think that you’re mine
Because it ain’t no joy
For an uptown boy
Whose teacher has told him goodbye, goodbye, goodbye”





18 thoughts on “to all the men – my shades … (volume 2)

    • A-C, you … are such a sweetheart. Life only happens once … but I’m sure I could have done things a lot different when it came to “my” men” *laughing

      • ♥ Well, we always could…have done things different. Sometimes I wish I had been as wise when I was young as I am know…but knowledge and wisdom comes with age, so…I really don’t think you can teach anyone anything about those things. They have to be lived.

      • I use to say … that I wish I was 40 with my 30 body and my 70 knowledge and life experience. I totally agree with you, we have to make our own history.

  1. Wonderful! I loved reading this Viveka – what an interesting story you have. I’ll tell you mine some time – maybe when you come and stay next. That some is one of my all time favourites btw

      • I meant to say that’s one of my all time favourite songs 🙂 Saw George Michael perform twice. Once when I was a teenager when he was in Wham and then again about 10 years ago. Amazing performer and wonderful singer/songwriter

      • I thought it was the song … never seen him alive, I wish I had during my years in UK. He has a fantastic voice and this song is also one of my old-time favorites.

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