she keeps my heart warm ..

My mum – today is it one year since she left me … 11.54am.

memory

It has been a strange years – I have missed her like mad at times and haven’t given her a thought for weeks. Than there is days that I talk to her constantly.

But there haven’t been many tears, because my mum have told me so many times that remembering shouldn’t be hard on the eye or the heart, it should give smiles and warmness.

I wanted to go down to the sea front with a candle and her favorite lilac rose, Memory Lane. – but it was raining the whole morning – and around 2pm the sun came out for a short period and after that the rain was hanging heavy over me.

Down at the sea front was there so many swans and I didn’t want to put the rose in the water – because it could be dangerous for them … and also the candle – so I put both the rose and candle in with the rocks. And I know mum will see the candle anyhow.

My mum’s aches was lowered out at sea … on her request – and it so fantastic because every time I’m by the sea … I think of my mum, like in Istanbul.

Because there is only one ocean … it’s only us that has given it different names depending where it docks. In Landskrona it’s called Öresund.

I had a couple of days with anxiety, maybe it was because I knew today was coming – but today was a great day and I felt so close to her when I stood there by sea .. and looked into the strong light that sun created behind the clouds.

During my walk home the rain came, but it was a fine rain – it felt very peaceful walking home in the rain.

Mum … thanks for what you were,
what you gave and
for keeping my heart warm every day !!!!

 

“It’s always hard to lose somebody.
It leaves a hole in you heart that never grows back. ”
Kevin Brooks

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43 thoughts on “she keeps my heart warm ..

    • Tahira, thank you for your lovely comment … my mum, like me, loves the ocean … and hopefully one day, somebody will fulfill my request too.

    • Thank you so much, she was a very special woman – not only because she was my mum – to everybody that ever had a chance to meet her.
      Thanks for taking the time to read and to comment, means a lot to me.

    • Thanks, Nia … mum wanted to leave and it made the whole process so much easier for me and there hasn’t been many tears … but a lot of talking with her – asking for her advice … and comfort.

    • Thanks, you two … can’t believe that a year has passed so quickly.
      Thanks for your kind thoughts and friendship, so very special to me.

  1. Viveka, I have tears flowing ~ to be so loved and well-remembered ~ what a gift and what a beautiful relationship between you and your mom. I am sad for your loss but I love your heartfelt tribute, flowers, candle and song! Big hugs to you ♥

    • Thank you so much, Misifusa, for your lovely comment. My mum and I had a bit strange relationship – when I was young she was never around and when she became old I was never around. I didn’t really get to know my mum on a deeper level until 2009 and I suppose it was the same for her. Amazing woman in so many ways. Thanks again and I love hugs.

    • Maralee, it’s so true that she makes me smile and feel good when I think about her … and I enjoy talking to her too. *smile
      Thanks for your comfort, Maralee.

    • Dia, thank you so much – it felt really good to spend time by sea and mum, even if the weather wasn’t on our side. *smile
      I wish a pleasant weekend … I hope the sun is where you’re.

  2. I am like that too with my Mom Viveka. You know you are not alone, she is always there watching you. That’s how I feel about my mother. Hugs to you!

  3. A very moving tribute to your dear Mom, one year on, Viveka. I’m so glad the sun came out so that you could go down to the sea. The pink rose and the candle are so lovely. Hugs to you.

  4. Vivi, I’m so glad the day came and went so calmly and beautifully. Your Mum would have loved what you shared with her. And that day I was honoured that you shared so much time with me too.
    I’m struggling with the laptop till my new battery arrives. I have to hold the cable with my right hand and type with the left so if I ‘disappear’, it’s not me- it’s the battery 🙂 Hugs, darlin!

    • Cable hugs back …. what a workup for you.
      I hope you will have your battery by now. They doesn’t come cheap neither or you got one of the warranty maybe. Yes, I had a great afternoon with mum down by the sea here in Landskrona.
      I felt her so present – can’t believe that a year is already gone. Simrishamn is not the same anymore without mum, but I visit our friends there once every 5th week. Still a lovely spot.
      .

    • Yes, mum was a special lady and I remember her with a smile … and I talk to her so often. *smile
      42 if far too young – mum was 90 and she was desperate to leave .. she didn’t have a quality life for her last year.

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