My mum – today is it one year since she left me … 11.54am.
It has been a strange years – I have missed her like mad at times and haven’t given her a thought for weeks. Than there is days that I talk to her constantly.
But there haven’t been many tears, because my mum have told me so many times that remembering shouldn’t be hard on the eye or the heart, it should give smiles and warmness.
I wanted to go down to the sea front with a candle and her favorite lilac rose, Memory Lane. – but it was raining the whole morning – and around 2pm the sun came out for a short period and after that the rain was hanging heavy over me.
Down at the sea front was there so many swans and I didn’t want to put the rose in the water – because it could be dangerous for them … and also the candle – so I put both the rose and candle in with the rocks. And I know mum will see the candle anyhow.
My mum’s aches was lowered out at sea … on her request – and it so fantastic because every time I’m by the sea … I think of my mum, like in Istanbul.
Because there is only one ocean … it’s only us that has given it different names depending where it docks. In Landskrona it’s called Öresund.
I had a couple of days with anxiety, maybe it was because I knew today was coming – but today was a great day and I felt so close to her when I stood there by sea .. and looked into the strong light that sun created behind the clouds.
During my walk home the rain came, but it was a fine rain – it felt very peaceful walking home in the rain.
Mum … thanks for what you were,
what you gave and
for keeping my heart warm every day !!!!
“It’s always hard to lose somebody.
It leaves a hole in you heart that never grows back. ”