“Var dag har sin metod”
This is another quote from the fantastic Swedish man and world famous photographer, Crhister Strömholm.
I read it as it means that not one day is another like. That each day has a method for us to live it through doesn’t matter what happens. That even if our days feels more or less the same most days, there is always some kind on nuance there – that no other day had. And that each day give a method for us to handle it.
I thought when I was retiring that I would be bored to death and go senile very quickly, because my life has been more about work, work and work more than anything else. Haven’t had any hobbies for about 25 years beside more than travelling and photographing, but that is something that only happen a couple of times per year. And my camera was only out and about during my travel.
The first year as retired I was very busy with getting my new home in order and catch up with all the people that I left behind here in Sweden when I moved abroad … and the second year the cancer arrived and nothing has been the same since then.
To start this blog was a blessing and in a way I wish I had my blog during the journey that cancer brought me on, but FB became my savior – and the support I had through my rough time was amazing.
The cancer gave me new perspectives on life, myself and my own world. During my total 10 weeks of treatment that was so seriously intense with chemo and radio therapy on the same time – but not for one moment I was afraid over that I could die. I had such comfort and trust in my doctors and the treatments. Even if the they told me that they couldn’t promise anything – and when I was told that the cancer was aggressive and a sister tumor had been found in one of the lymph nodes they removed I felt so safe.
But the last 2 weeks of my treatment I became very ill with infections and my immune system was so weak and the medicine they gave me, resulted in the most horrific days of my life. 10 days where I couldn’t even move my head and had difficulties to control my body fluids. I was home alone and there wasn’t a day I didn’t want to die.
On the 12th day I felt that something was happening to my body – I got the strength back in my voice, I started to crave for food and I truly felt that life had slowly returned to me. For that 12th day everything changed and 6 weeks later I flow to Dublin and the following day I had my first cup of coffee since for 4 months, it tasted so good.
Then after 6 months’ time the side effects of the treatment started to crawl up on me – one by one .. so each day truly has its method.
The days have taught me that the side effects will be there, it doesn’t matter what I do and doesn’t do, so its all up to me!
Of course I’m happy to be alive and thankful for everything that has been done for me to make it possible for me to get a second chance on life – but in all honesty I wish at times that I could have my old life back.