walking beside myself

sorry ass - someecards comYesterday I was at the hospital in Lund, meeting up with the second specialist about my “sorry ass” – very early start for me. The connection with my bus stop and the hospital wasn’t the best, so I had to arrive to the hospital nearly an hour before my appointment. So I had a breakfast in the hospital’s A Bistro Café.

The doctor the most wonderful woman by name Berit – came and collected me with a big smile in the waiting room together with two medical students. She wanted to hear my story in my words – and when I started to talk about my pains and discomfort I started to cry, my last 9 months has most days been a living hell.

Berit told me that if I wasn’t upset over my situation, she would have been worried about my mental health. Also when I talked about all the aftermaths I have after my cancer treatment and the end of my treatments, when things went so bad for me …. I became upset too.

Berit like all doctors I have talked to so far and that it quite a few, said that it’s a damage on my colon after all the radio therapy I got. . But she didn’t say that there isn’t anything they can do.

She has not put me on a medicine by name Lyrica, a medicine for epilepsy and shingles – but it has very strange side effects. Yesterday, when I was back home .. I took one pill and I was floored, felt so strange and didn’t feel good at all. 

Went to bed – slept for 4 hours … went up for something to eat and then back to sleep. I think I have slept for about 12 hrs. This morning I took me second pill and it kicked very soon. It’s like I’m walking beside myself, I feel very good mentally – but I can’t concentrate on anything. I’m all over the place all the time, more than usual. And I feel so restless and a bit anxious.

Today I can’t concentrate on making coffee even. Went to the Supermarket with my grocery list – still I had to go back to vegetable and fruit section 4 times. I feel a bit like when I was on Mirapront – the fantastic slimming pills in the 70’s.

Have tried to get a post together about my days in Stockholm, but no way I can do it – started all over twice now. Berit said that it will take a up to a week to get used to the medicine and I’m only on a test trail for a months, on very low strength, 25mg.

Do they work ????? Lets’ hope so.

So I will lay a bit low until I have adapt to the pills …. I wish you all a pleasant weekend.

“So ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you!”
Bill Maher.

ass - buzzneverstop com

Photos provided by and thanks to;
somecards.com/youtube.com/ buzzneverstop.com/ bestdrug.org/


75 thoughts on “walking beside myself

  1. So sorry to hear how ill you’re feeling Viveka. My mother was on Lyrica before she passed away in 2011 for years because she had nerve neuropathy. She didn’t have the side effects you’ve been having. I said a prayer for you just now!

    • Sherry, I had a bad butt for nearly 9 months now … burn damage after my treatments. Yes, the medicine hits the nerve system – that means it kills most pains … and that means we can feel high or sleepy, it can give dry mouth, swollen fingers and legs … and it can give us problems to be concentrated. It’s drug classed in US.
      So long as it works … I don’t care … I have swollen legs anyhow after the removal of so many lymph glands. Nothing wrong with feeling a bit high neither and they give me a good night sleep too.
      I’m glad that your mother was able to take them for her problems and that it made her every day more pleasant. Thanks for your support.

  2. That must be such a strange feeling, Viveka. I hope your body will quickly adapt and that the medicine will be useful! I keep thinking of you, stay in a good mood, and spoil yourself whatever way you can.

    • Thanks a million for your concern and caring.
      I have hardly taken any pills until this problem started … and if they work, I will take them .. even if I’m against medicine as such. Because my butt problems has been pure hell for me … the last 9 months. Great advice about spoiling myself … I have always been good on doing that … and I’m totally with you, it’s even more important now. The doctor laughed when I told her that I have the same problems wherever I’m – and I rather have a “sorry ass” in New York than at home. *smile
      Have a wonderful weekend and thanks for being my support.

  3. Hey you, I am thinking about you and wishing you lots of strength. Try to sleep if off, then the week will have gone by quickly and by then the system will have adjusted to the medication (hopefully).
    I am sending you the best wishes and many hugs and a big kiss!
    Take care, my dear friend and sleep well xoxo 🙂

    • Dia, thank you so much for caring and for your thoughts. I’m not suffering badly from the medicine, it gives me a feeling of being a bit high and I love to have my head up in the clouds. I had two pleasant days so fare without any backside fire and if that is because of my new pills, bring them on. They hit the nerve system – but I don’t care where they hit … so long as I have a better every day. Have a pleasant weekend and I hope the sun is with you too.

  4. Damn, those medicines don’t sound all that great, those are quite the effects especially if you’re only getting roughly four hours of sleep Viveka 😦

    • Andy, it’s a drug classed drug … but I don’t care – I’m 65 years old, hardly taken any medicine in my life .. until now. I want to have a painless everyday.
      No, I didn’t sleep only 4 hours … I slept 4 hours in the afternoon, had something to eat and then back to sleep again for another 8 hours. Sleeping is not a problem.
      Have a pleasant weekend – we have sun today … LOVE IT!

      • You had a hard winter, but Spring is suppose to arrive in April. But nothing is normal anymore, not even our seasons. Not good!

      • That’s pure ignorance … when they deny the global warming. It’s proven that the sea level is rising and the weather is all over the place. We had +16C today up by Stockholm, really scary stuff and this week they are talking about cold weather again.

      • The thing is that … it’s us how has caused the problem .. and I hope that we will be able to stop it from exacerbate.

      • oof, well. Everyone would have to cut down a lot of fossil fuel usage plus factories would have to be willing to change, A report made a few years back showed China as the most major pollutant with their factories but they refused to change 😦

      • Same with the Eastern Block countries – but this is a thing that has built up during so many years … and we haven’t looked after things neither until the last 30 years … before we did a lot of damage. I wonder why they are not able to put China under more pressure.

  5. Thank you so much for sharing all this with us. It took effort, I know, but it helps us “walk with you”! I send hugs, hoping hugging doesn’t hurt. And Tonglen for you in my daily meditation. Wish I could do more, but I do those small things with all my heart. Mary

    • Mary, thanks for walking with me – it feels a lot better when sharing and I’m sure there is others out there with the same problems like mine. I don’t want to dwell in my problems … because it makes neither my readers nor me happy, but I want to explain. Neither do I want my readers to feel sorry for me. Life is what it’s and have become – I have to adjust to it .. and that isn’t always so each. Thanks for caring.

  6. awe, I am sorry to hear you’re not feeling so good. I do hope the new pills will work for you. a whole week to see if they work? oh boy. do you have anyone that can help you do things like grocery shopping in the meanwhile? I sure hope so. that is tough to do by yourself. wishing you peace and strength and hoping the pills help you.

    • Tobyo, I only shop once per week … the big shopping, the rest I by in a small convenient store across the street. Not a big problem. I feel great … a bit high and today so fare I don’t have any “ass on fire” – so it maybe helps. It’s not a medicine for everyone, because it affects the nerve system …. So long it doesn’t make me weep – I’m okay.
      Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and for caring.

    • Julie, it’s not that bad to feel a bit high … during the day, life gets a bit easier … I have never taken much pills in my life, been very healthy – hardly had so much as headache and I have been against pills, not even during my cancer treatment against nausea. I have been very blessed that I had a pill free life, but it’s now over … and I don’t complain. Thanks a million for being you and for caring. See you … in Perth!

  7. Oh, Vivi ~ myheart bleeds!! Perchance you will get used to the drug, but I have just looked up ‘Lyrica’ and I just hope and pray. OK ~ we have a few things in common. I have been thru’ the big ‘C’ twice; I have also finished the Sydney Uni Medical School way back when [even if most of my life’s work was a Company Director in family companies] and am now studying single subject streams at four US unis, almost all in ‘old age’ preventive and curative natural medicine. So know a bit about IT!! Keep on being YOU!! is my first advice!! Secondly be absolutely honest with your doctors re the side effects: your quality of life is paramount!! If you are in such rotten pain [but functioning fantastically well as far a I can see it!!!] put your ruddy foot down – there have to be other methods of controlling the daily horrors!! With heaps of love and understanding!!!

    • Thank you so much for your support and I’m so sorry to read that you have danced with the demon twice. That I could die from my cancer – was never in my book … just get it tumor out and let me go on with life, a new chance on life was given to me and I really embrace it, but some % of my life as a woman has been taken from me … and that I have hard to accept at times.
      Berit, the doctor I met on Friday said to her medical student … that I was a living prove who good somebody could look after a cancer treatment – because of my attitude to life and to my acceptance of that my life and soul will never be the same.
      I know that my new medicine is drug classed, but I don’t really care … not in favorite of pills and hardly taken any through during my whole life, not even under my treatments. But I have got a reality check now – and I want a painless every day to whatever price.
      Thank you so much for your advice and for being here for me.

  8. 😦 It broke my heart to read that you cried. But I’m so glad they listened to you. I hope this medicine helps the pains go away but I also hope you adjust to it and it no longer has those side effects. I hope for you a peaceful and painless weekend Viveka.

    • Colleen, you know that I don’t moan very oft en and I’m not a cry baby as such – but on Friday things burst, mostly because this problem with my colon don’t let me forget but I went through during my cancer journey. I’m constantly remind about what has been … and I want to leave that behind …. and move on. I feel good this morning and now ass on fire, so it seems like the pill works and it’s nothing wrong with feeling a bit high daily. *smile
      The strange thing is that our intestines is the only place in our body were there are no nerves, so why do I feel pain???. I should have asked the doctor that??? I forgot. A sunny hug to you .. *smile

      • Viveka, I know you aren’t a ‘moaner’. And for you to express your pain like this I know it had to be bad. I’m so glad the pills are giving you relief. And I think that that is a very good question to ask your doctor. I hope you do, and share the answer with us.

      • Colleen, I share willing my “sorry ass” problems with you and anyone else that want to listen *smile.
        I will ask the question when she phones me in the end of the month regarding how the pills has been working. I think the work to some part. Maybe early times yet.

      • Regarding talking with one’s doctor: I recently went through some medical issues, and the (male) cardiologist I was given turned out to be quite special. So after a while I said to him, “I really appreciate how you listen to me.” To which he replied (with a smile) “That’s my job.” Oh, if only all doctors saw their role that way!

      • You know, doctors today is only allowed … 30 min per Outdoor Patient – truly scary .. no time for listening there.
        Terrible, but I’m sure some doctors don’t care about that rule … I really hope so. Poor doctors they must be so stressed those days.
        Glad you got a doctor that listen to you … it’s truly wonderful when you get a doctor like that.

      • I have them on trail to see .. how we agree and if the work, it’s very low doses I take. 25th the doctor is going to phone me – got a letter today.
        The funny thing is that I always wake up with not problems what so ever. Yesterday, I was in such a agony. I can feel it’s coming on again … it builds up during the day. And someday nothing at all.

      • Read it??????!!!! If I’m sharing my “sorry ass” with you .. you’re going to feel that is for sure .. no biking. *smile
        I will send it over for next week. *smile

  9. Dear Viveka, With all these wishes and prayers here including mine I hope it gives you a glint of a smile. Many peaceful, get well vibes are in this message. All the best hugs and hugs

    • Thanks a million for your support … I really hope that this medicine works, even if it’s drug classes. I don’t really care … so long I have a carefree everyday. It feels like my pain has been reduced, hope that is the case.
      Thanks for being here for me.

    • Suzanne, thanks for your nice comment …. love!!!! The lovely self, maybe has to be a bit high for rest her life – but I’m not complaining. Only have to get used to it, so long as eye sight doesn’t get blurry.
      So far so good. I wish you a lovely weekend and thanks for being here for me.

  10. Dearest Viveka, I am sorry to hear this. I know what kind of feeling and reality to experience side effects of medicine. But I am sure, it would be fine at the end. I am sending my love and my positive energy to you today, Love, nia

    • Lovely Nia, I have struggled now for 9 months – and I’m so tired of the pain and the discomfort, so I really hope the medicine will help, we start to become friends now and talk the same language. So thankful for every little thing that helps me. Thanks for your lovely thoughts and for caring.

    • Maralee, nice to see you …. how are you feeling – so sorry for your lost???? Hopefully I will be back in the race tomorrow. Had a sore day yesterday, but I think the pills works .. maybe they will take away all the discomfort, but so long it easier. The pills and I start to agree.

  11. Hope it will turn out really OK! Sounds like a great doctor anyway – and you’ll most certainly get used to the medicine and feel better.

  12. A head in the clouds is better than a “sorry ass”…I hope you and the medicine learn to live happily together. It would be wonderful if you have something to control the pain.

    • Karen, I love this and I will use it. So true, had a rough day yesterday again with butt problems, but today a lot better.
      I think the pills and I has teamed up now, but still very restless – woke up 5am today. Karen, I do anything to get ride off that pain and burn I have – maybe not eating glass or oysters. *smile Thank you so much for your support and have a lovely Sunday.

  13. So many lovely comments and such support on here for you, hon. It’s heart warming to read it all and you so deserve it, Vivi 🙂 I like the sound of your new doctor and if you’re ‘away with the fairies’ sometimes- well, there’s worse company!
    Your fishing village sounds lovely. Don’t be too restless- that’s my job! You’ve still managed to make great posts and no sore butt, Vivi. YAY!!! Restless hugs 🙂

    • Jo, you’re so wonderful funny …. *smile
      Today I have had a great day so I done loads of “homework” – but yesterday as not fun, but when I was out with Oscar, I forgotten a bit about the “fire” – but I slept well and woke 5am and been up since then.
      Yes, it’s wonderful to feel the support from everybody around the world … it magical. I don’t anyone to feel sorry for me – but I love when I know that support is out there and that I’m able to write about that part of my every day. I really don’t want to write about my health problems, because it’s not a fun read for anyone – but at times I need to do it … to get things of my chest and mind.
      It’s not fun to write about problems neither.
      So I’m so thankful for all the support and caring that I have out there from the most beautiful generous hearts and souls. And you are one of them.

  14. Keeping my fingers crossed that this will work and that the side effects will wear off soon Viveka. Hugs to you and your considerate new doc 😉

  15. I’m just catching up on blog reading and so sorry to read that you’ve been in pain. I’m a real believer in having mild drugs like this one if it helps. My friend once said everyone has burdens in life, what gets us through is a support system of friends. Sometimes we need to take these drugs to compensate for what our body is lacking. This is a nerve drug, it should be helping with your pain by now? I will pray for you hon. xx

    • Barbara, my colon has gone burn damage from my radio therapy – so my butt is constantly on fire – so terrible .. my cancer treatments is nothing to this.
      So his nerve medicine that is very effective against shingles, should take away the burning feeling .. I think it helps a bit, but not too 100% and there is nothing that can heal the damage. Thank you so much for being here for me and for caring. It’s truly tough when I have my really bad days. Can not sit, walk or lay …

      • I’m so sorry to read that. I know it’s a long shot, but do you eat honey? I met a young girl who had issues with her intestine and honey helped. It has some sort of healing ability, I should look into that for you.

      • Honey, that is interesting – not often I eat honey. I don’t drink tea, that would be an easy way to get some honey into me, but I can it on my daily bowl of yoghurt. I will give it a go. Thanks for the advice. Had an okay day today. *smile

  16. Crying is good for the soul, especially when you can speak from the heart and get everything off your chest. I remember being in a doctor’s office and after describing my frustrating circumstances I cried like a baby. It felt good to have someone listen to you and understand just how ‘hard’ things can be. Luckily the doctor was very compassionate and didn’t just write me off as an emotional wreck. I hope the medicine works for you. The side effects sound awful and I hope that goes away as well. Thinking of you from the other side of the pond. Hugs and kisses. Carol

    • Carol, I’m very emotional when have to talk about my problems and my cancer journey. Some of it is still painful and of course with all the aftermath problems I got … I can never really be free from it and leave it behind. Not anything that I think about every day .. but when I have to talk about, I often start crying.
      Doctors know the difference in emotions too and frustration can make me cry too …
      My mom told me when I was a teenager that we have the same right to our tears as we have to our laughter. So I have never been embraced over my tears.
      I think the medicine helps so some degree … but not to 100% – only 20 maybe, early yet maybe.
      At least we are on the same level now .. the pills and I *smile
      Thank you so much for your support, caring … and thoughts. Big hug full of Springtime … Wivi

    • Hi there, Sweetheart …. I think they are working to some degree, it feels like I have more good days. Thank you so much for your concern and caring – I hope everything is okay with you and your loved ones. Lots …

  17. Well this was 2 weeks ago – have to fast forward and see if you are acclimating to the drug. I have one I must take at night… or else forget it. Is your’s something you can sleep off at night and still get results from? Best wishes and thoughts Viveka- xx

    • Thank you, Wendy … I have been so spoiled before, never had to take any pills … up to my cancer – so I’m very recalcitrant to take pills, but with this problem I need help and it’s only for me to accept.
      Thank you so much for your support and your thoughts.

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