“if into the darkness i fall?”

“Doubt everything. Find your own light.”
Gautama Buddha

This post I really dictate to Jo@The Diary of a Retiree, my blogging friend, she wrote me the other day that she needs her daily fix of “myguiltypleasure” and I will not let her suffer anymore.

I haven’t been around in my world here for a while,  all because of that I have finished of my mom’s life; emptied, cleaned and now handed over the apartment to the landlord. It was very upsetting to see that a 90 year old life was just wipe out like that – the physical and material part. All done now and my life goes on.

I will be away from my world here a bit longer because today I get a friend arriving from Lima, Peru – we haven’t seen each other since 1980, in Rome. So I need to spend all time with her. After that I promise to be back in full swing – a threat and a promise.

I’m not a religious person – my beliefs lays with the people that live today and that helps with passion and total unconditional those that needs help at home and all over the world. Those people that make a different to somebody or our world every day. But this post is about a religious song that I love very much, “You Have To Be There”. A religious song written by Benny and Björn.

Neither I’m a fan of ABBA’s musicals, expect “Mamma Mia”, that I have seen 8 times in total – they are far too serious, sad and deep, they make me depressed. I love the music from the musicals, but I have problems to watch the musicals, “Chess” and “Kristina from Duvamåla”.

christina from Duvemåla - vikingline se

Kristina från Duvemåla (“Kristina from Duvemåla”) is a Swedish musical written by former ABBA members Björn Ulvaeus (lyrics) and Benny Andersson (music), based on a series of four novels by Swedish author Vilhelm Moberg detailing a family’s poverty-driven migration from Sweden to America in the mid-18th century: The Emigrants, Unto a Good Land, The Settlers, and The Last Letter Home.

The show premiered at the Malmö Opera and Music Theatre in Malmö, Sweden, in October 1995 and received a rapturous welcome. The musical was translated into English by  Herbert Kretzmer, in 2005. Herbert Kretzmer is the man behind the lyrics to “Les Misérables”.

The REAL Kristina, she sat in the audience at the premiere of the musical in Malmö, 1995 and Kristina died 10 years later in 2005.

The English-language premiere of the musical, in a concert version under the name “Kristina: A Concert Event”, took place at Carnegie Hall on 23 and 24 September 2009, with Helen Sjöholm as Kristina, Russell Watson as Karl Oskar, Louise Pitre as Ulrika and Kevin Odekirk as Robert. (text: en.wikepedia.org)

christina from Duvemåla - svd se

This tune is from “Kristian from Duvemåla” – also recorded by Susan Boyle on her album “Somebody To Watch Over Me”, released in 2011. Here is the tune played by a Brazilian musician by name Fernando Lopez , one of my favorite versions.

Kristina does not tell Karl Oskar about the pain she is feeling when pregnant, she thinks it will pass. But her miscarriage and the doctor says she will never get to be pregnant again – it would mean death. For the first time in her life Kristina doubt in God. He’s taken her kids and her husband away from her, and she feels like a stranger in a new country and very unhappy – that is when she sings this song. Kristina takes the risk and becomes pregnant again – which costs Kristina her life.

The lyrics are so beautiful and the music is so amazing – this one of the best tunes that Björn and Benny ever done. I would say that they are up there with Andrew Lloyd Webber on this one.

“You Have To Be There”
(Du Måste Finnas Till)
Benny Anderson & Björn Ulveus/Herbert Kretzmer

“What is it Lord that you want
That I am not seeing?
What in my ignorant prayers
Am I failing to say?
Never before have I questioned the truth of your being
Never once have I dared
Never until today

All of a tremble
I stand on the edge of confusion
Who is to save me
If into the darkness I fall?
Now that I need more than ever my God to be near me
Do you hear when I call?
Are you there after all?

You have to be there, you have to
My life I have placed in thy keep
And without you I am drifting on a dark and stormy sea
You have to be there, you have to
Without you I’d drown in the deep
Too far, too far from land
The waters drag me down
I reach for your hand

And when I die will throw open his arms to receive me?
Who will forgive me and take me and show me his face?
When I go to my rest, who will watch me and wake me?
When my time comes at last, will you grant me your grace?
I am so small of this Earth, I am nothing without you
Daring to doubt you at all turns a knife in my heart
Little by little I’m losing my way in the shadows
I am losing my hope and the world falls apart

You do have to be there, you have to
My life I have placed in thy keep
And without you I am drifting on a dark and stormy sea
You have to be there, you have to
Without you I’d drown in the deep
Too far, too far from land
The waters drag me down
I reach for your hand

You have to be there, you have to
Too far, too far from land
The waters drag me down
I reach for your hand”

25 thoughts on ““if into the darkness i fall?”

  1. That is so beautiful, Viveka. The trumpet is quite haunting.
    Enjoy your time with your friend. Peru! Now that is a long way. Have a wonderful time and put your cares behind you (but never your memories) 🙂

    • I love Susan’s version of the song – but when I came across the trumpet version … I just fell in love with it.
      Thank you so much for being my friend. I promise we will have a great time. I will never put my memories behind me when it’s about mom.

  2. Beautiful song by Susan Boyle! thanks ….. Continued strength to you regarding your sadness. Seems like your friend is arriving at a good time! Enjoy!!!!

  3. I was getting ready to write you because I hadn’t seen anything and thought I would check here. I haven’t gotten my notifications of this or the last post of yours. They didn’t show up in my reader either. 😦 I’m glad I checked. I hope you have a wonderful time with your friend.

    • Thanks, Colleen – we had some brilliant days .. and the weather has really been on our side too.
      She is now travelling to Stockholm to meet up with some family members and relatives.
      31 years since Rome and it was like we never had been apart – absolute amazing.

  4. I’ve been wondering where you were and hoping all was okay. Glad you stopped in to tell us how you are doing. I’m very excited for you, that you’ll be seeing a friend that you haven’t seen since 1980!! Wow! Enjoy your time with her. Hugs.

    • 31 years since we met in Rome last time .. and it was like we never been apart. Had a wonderful time with … Nancy.
      Pity tomorrow she travels on.

  5. 90 is a good innings, Viveka. Your mum had a whole life, not half a one.

    Hope you have magnificent times with your friend – and wow, not since the 80s…. wow.

    As for the musical, I had no idea Abba had written further than their own band. Enlightening!

    • Yes, the have written 2 musicals and provided music to Mamma Mia musical of course.

      We had a fantastic time Nancy and me .. now time for Nancy to visit family in Stockholm. So luck with weather too.

    • Dallas, thanks a your comfort *smile – we had a great time .. and tomorrow she travels on to Stockholm. Hope it doesn’t take 31 years until next time.

    • We had some fantastic days .. and you know it was like those 31 years never been there. Of course we had so much to talk about, but it just clicked again .. like it did in Rome.

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