forget yourself – my mom’s last words to me

mom last rest

Last Friday was it time for me to say goodbye to my mom – one of the most fantastic women I ever met. It was a wonderful, bright and beautiful service. It left me with great comfort.

My mom taught me that grief and lost doesn’t have to be heavy on heart or the eyes – she taught me that it should give the heart warmth and the face a smile, when we think about the person that has been so special to us … and our lives.

There will be another goodbye for me to do, when her ashes are lowered out at sea – as on her request … the Coast Guard will do that service.

It was my mom’s wish that one of her poems was going to be read during the service and also that this beautiful music should be played – so I want to share both with you.

Forget Yourself

“Take an applicant hand
You that are able to
Let the solace
of Your Voice
Let someone cry
against your chest

A lost soul requires comfort
Give, if you can
But what is worse
You may not be able reach
forget yourself
And see eye’s tear
Then maybe You leave
something behind, when you leave

We are all so small
equally confused and scared
What is most natural then
Well, to widen the bridges
between us
Don’t let the hand that is given
be withdrawn empty
In it can lai
a wealth

To be alone is to be strong
said they wise
But if the tree was separated from bark
So it was not that, it asked for
To heal it,  it can not
but making the solitude less severe
will work
if  You give a helping hand
when You are able to”

Millan Gustavson, 1972

Mom, the distance between us … is not far – only a breath. I will miss you everyday, but I promise I will do it with a smile, but forgive me if I cry at times. Thanks for everything you gave and everything you taught me about values, respect and life.

mom's candle

A  deep thank you to you that came to say goodbye and support me. And to you that made this service and moment so special, comforting and beautiful. Just the way mom wanted it.

97 thoughts on “forget yourself – my mom’s last words to me

    • Thank you, I just felt that I had to share … because it’s truly beautiful. The priest, she told me that she are now using mom’s poem as her evening pray – that means so much to me .. even if I’m not a believer as such, but it gave me great comfort. She was so wonderful … so generous with herself and her comfort.

      • What comfort your mom is now to someone else. I can imagine how that must have felt when the priest told you that. Isn’t it amazing all of the different places and people we get comfort from? I suspect you will come across even more comfort, from others. It was a wonderful share Viveka.

      • Yes, Laurie – the priest, is one of the most wonderful person I met on a very long time. She just got everything right about mom and she made the service light and understandable. She gave me great comfort. What a fantastic person.

    • Colleen, I forgotten … to thank you for all your support … with your concern – and for all your emails.
      Have been such a comfort to me.

  1. Vivi, this is so beautiful. It made me teary eyed. You will miss your Mum but one day you will stand beside her. The two of you will smile together and never know pain again. Love you my friend

    • Thank you, Terry … so much for your comfort – it felt good to this post for me and to use my photos. My mom would have loved this .. that I share. Grief doesn’t have to heavy – it can be taken with a smile too …
      I just love her poem, it’s so beautiful and it’s so much her – she truly lived by her own words. There was always hand to grab in her world.

    • Thank you for stopping by … for your comfort and … for taking time to comment. Grief and lost doesn’t have to be heavy and teary … it can be warm and smiley too. Sure there will be a mixed bag for me now on …
      It felt right to share, sure some will find in less suitable … *smile … but that is what it’s.

  2. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost mine a little over a year ago. It will get easier. Take time for you.

    • Maureen, thank you so much … my mom wanted to leave and she had well prepared me – she was ready with life … nearly 91 years old, but it doesn’t make the lost less … but it makes it easier to understand.

    • Thank you so much … it was mom’s wish to leave that beautiful June Monday! I didn’t have the right to ask her to stay a bit longer.

    • Marina, she truly did … she gave me a great comfortable knee to sit in .. during all the years. I was luck that I had her for so long. Yes, her poems are all so beautiful and she lived by them all.
      Marina, thanks for comfort and support.

  3. How beautiful your mother’s poem and thoughts… You did a great tribute for her, but I couldn’t stop my tears falling down… You are so nice daughter and person,… I’ll make a candle tonight for your beautiful mother, with my prayers. Love, nia

    • Thank You, Nia …. for your kind words and for your candle. I have been listen the whole day more or less to this beautiful tune .. and it has felt so good inside – it gives me such comfort – even if in the chapel I thought my heart was going to stop when .. when they played it.
      I’m sure I could have been a much better daughter – in action … but I was true a good one in my heart.
      Thanks for the comfort.

    • Dallas, mom was a talent woman … but she hated to cook. She had so many other fantastic talents … she was a fantastic dancer. Thanks for your lovely words.

  4. Wivi, I really am so sorry to learn about the passing of your mother. And I agree with others, those are beautiful words. I will say those two words I kept saying to you a few years back – stay strong. I mean that now, as much as any time I said it before.

    • Barry, thank you so much for your comforting words .. and thoughts. Mom was nearly 91 and she wanted to leave for at least 6 months and even more. She told me that the old machine was finished. Of course I miss her, but she are at a good place now … and that is what matter most. *smile

  5. Forget yourself! So very hard to do sometimes, Viveka. Reach out a hand, share… things you do beautifully. You are your mother’s daughter. The words and the music are truly beautiful. I’m so glad you found comfort at this difficult time. God bless you both. 🙂

    • Jo, thank you so much … for your kind words. Yes, I’m very much my mom’s daughter – we are so likeness so it’s scary and it’s very strange because most of the years we have be separated. The 4 last years we have become more close, but I’m just like her in my veins, and I’m proud over that. Jo, I found great comfort in the beautiful service that was given … in mom’s poem and her most beloved music tune.
      If I want mom close to me .. I just click on my post and she will here with in a very strong present.
      Thank you so much for your support and emails .. you have been a fantastic support.

    • Thank you so much for your kind words … she was a very special woman – I’m lucky to be her daughter. She wrote the poem herself in 1972. I remember when she heard that piece of music for the first time … she went into trance.

    • My mom was a very special lady … tough, fair, straight forward and always there for anyone that needed support.
      She could be very bold at times. Thank you so much – I will wrap myself into your hugs – going to travel today over to her place and stay until the weekend. Now all the material and practical stuff has to sorted out.

    • Dia, thank you so much … it felt good to do the little post about mom’s words to me – she has always lived by her words, a very strong and straight forward person – that was fair and sometimes very bold, but she told things as she saw them.
      I learned so much from her – and even in her last words (the poem) she gave me sensible advice. Thank you so much for your comfort and support. I will soon be back, but I need to deal with all the material stuff first. Especially with a half-brother that doesn’t want to play with me, I share mom with him.

    • Ann-Christine, Hjärte tack … ja, jag är min mors dotter i mycket, vi är så otroligt lika – trots att vi nästan inte har spenderat tid tillsammans. Hon fanns aldrig till hands när jag växte upp .. hon var tvungen att försörja sig. Sedan försvann jag ut i världen .. det var det senaste 4 åren som vi verkligen kom nära, men hon har ändå varit en klippa i mitt liv och hon gav min det mest fantastiska knä att sitta i .. speciellt under tonåren. Tack för dina fina ord.

  6. Thank you for showing us how we can love dearly and with the strength of that love, let go. Your mother would be proud.
    Much love and thoughts on you during this transition,
    x wendy

    • Wendy, thanks for your kind and comforting words – yes, I think mom is proud over me and I think she knew that I will be okay and be able to manage her depature in the way she would have like me to do. It was fantastic that I could hold her close when she took her last breath – I know she wasn’t happy that she had to finish her last 24 hours on hospital, but I think she know that it made her last day so much easier. Her fight had taken so much longer time if I had kept her at home to the last minute.
      And she was tired of fighting. How is the little shop by the way doing ?????

  7. How very beautiful Viveka! The poem, the music and your mothers advice on letting go! Glad the service brought you some measure of comfort. Needless to say, my thoughts are with you, as you bid your final farewell to your mother. Love & hugs 🙂

    • Madhu, thank you so comforting and lovely words – mom was the most honest and straight forward person I ever met – she just said what she thought and nothing wrapped up in cotton there. So bold at times, but that was how she was and she lived by her words. The poem she wrote 1972 – and every word was her …. And now she wants me to carry on the same way and I will.
      I think that the service on board one of the Coast Guard vessels will be very emotional and that will be the final farewell – even if she will always be right behind me …. I don’t think she will be walking beside me. She only made me take my own steps in my own time.

  8. This is just beautiful, and I hope you don’t mind if I cried with you a little. The poem your mom wanted read says a lot about the special person she is, and I know you are grateful to have had her as your mom. My heart is with you, Viveka. Cry when you need to and take care of yourself. Hugs.

    • Lori, I don’t mind you crying … I had a good cry yesterday when I did the post, but today all smiles again. Mom wrote the poem in 1972 – and that is her to 110%. She always lived by her words … a very rare quality. Lori, thank you so much for the fantastic support and comfort you have given me.
      On the train just now on my way over to mom’s to take care of all the worldly things that has to be done. I have always said that we have the same right to our tears as we have to our laughter, mom taught me that.

  9. Your mom was a beautiful soul…this is evident by the poem, the music and her daughter. Keep smiling through the tears, my friend.

    • Thank you, I don’t , know if I’m that strong – but mom has taught me to be a realist and it helps me a lot just now in all this.

  10. A loving and heartfelt tribute to your mother. You will miss her but her memory will always be with you as she will be nearby…always in your thoughts.

    • Karen, you are such a sweetheart – thanks for your comfort. I’m in mom’s apartment just now for a couple of days and … feels comforting and I sleep so well her, as I have always done.

      • I know Wivi. I totally understand, because I am really close to my mom too, coz I’m the youngest. She’s 74 nowand quite sickly. And all I am praying is for her to be around until I finish law school, which is 4 more years from now.

        Nonetheless, my deepest sympathy. Take care, Wivi.

      • I also hope that you will be able to have your mom in your life so long as possible and that she are staying healthy – my mom didn’t have an quality of life … the last year.

        Thank you for your comfort.

  11. So beautiful Viveka such a wonderful poem from of your mom
    and the most beautiful advice to you I loved that so much dear

    Thanks a lot for sharing

  12. A very wise woman who obviously understood what it means to live life to the fullest, and passed that wisdom on to her daughter…Hugs to you, Viveka.

    • Rufina, thanks for your kind words … she worked very hard and we didn’t see each that often .. when I was a kid – but we had fun when she visit .. she worked hard and she danced so often she got a chance. Hugs bakc …. and a smile. Put on the dancing shoes now.

    • Thank you so much … I have borrowed those words from a Josh Groban song – To Where You’re” – first time I heard that song .. I thought – how true isn’t that. Beautiful song.

    • Thanks, not really .. massive problems with her stuff – because I have a half-brother and he doesn’t want to play with me … so I can do know and the apartment must be cleaned and emptied the 31.07. Otherwise I’m okay.

  13. That was beautiful Viveka! Your Mom was special…just like you. I hope you get things sorted out with the half brother. I went through similar issues when both of my parents (who were divorced) passed in 2006 and 2011. (Hugs)

    • Thanks, Sherry …. all sorted now – got his letter of approval today. So it’s all my hands – it took time, but now is it happening and only 13 days, but I will be okay.
      Yes, my mom … was a very special person – thank you so mush for your lovely words.
      I think this with all the practical stuff is tougher then the funeral and everything around it. Thanks for your comfort and support, Sherry.

    • Thank you so much, Penelope … yes, mom made me to what I’m today – she was brutally striaght and bold at times, but I wish more people could be like that.

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