i know you know

Love-Is-Letting-Go - get-covers com

that I will take a break from blogging.
Not because I don’t feel good – only that I need time for myself.
Now back at my place and I’m truly okay … ever since I left mom on the hospital I have felt warmth in my heart and a calmness that I haven’t had for a very long time.

Last night I slept so well and comfortable in my own bed, something I haven’t done for over a year.

I have been so aware of that mom hasn’t liked the quality of life she had the last years. My mom was crystal clear in her mind and her body was given up more and more for each year, she was bound to a wheel chair and the last 6 months her sight was disappearing rapidly and TV was her only entertainment in her life and lately she haven’t been able to watch that neither.
So the last months she has been preparing me that she was going to leave … with sentences and this last weekend it was very obvious that she wanted to leave and I didn’t have any problems with that – it’s was her time, it was her life and it was her choice. I didn’t have any right to not letting her go.

She had done her job with life and me … she knew I was ready to be on my own.

So to you, my friends: Please .. don’t go anywhere, because I need you more than ever now – and just give me some time and I promise to be back.

On Tuesday starts the practical part of this …

“Ill be missing you
Thinking of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
Ill be missing you “

missing you - fotoalbum ee

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76 thoughts on “i know you know

  1. Viveka.. I would not expect less.. you go and spend the time to mourn the passing of Mamma… you will miss her presence, but she is still with you constantly in your heart… Take as long as you need… we will be here for you at anytime you need us… just drop a line and we will respond… go well my friend… go well…

    • Thank you so much .. for your comfort and your kind words. And for your friendship. Promise not to be gone for long. Until then … be good to yourself.

    • So lovely to know .. have problems with my emails today – nothing in and nothing out .. but soon it’s up and running again will I contact you.

  2. I totally understand what you’re saying and feeling… I’m going through a similar experience here… Blessings to you…. take all the time you need! ❤

  3. Reading your words, Viveka… was so beautiful… so sad. I will be here, too, when you come back. My tears inside are for the sadness of it all… for how beautifully you expressed yourself in this post.. I felt you, I cared with my heart. Love, Gloria

  4. Absolutely Viveka – take as much time as you need and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. This quote helped me when I dealt with loss earlier this year:

    “No one ever loses anyone. We are all one soul that needs to continue growing and developing in order for the world to carry on and for us all to meet once again.”

    ~ Aleph, Paulo Coelho

    We will all meet again as life is the train not the station. It carries us on our journey but there is more beyond it.

    • Thank you so much for the beautiful quote. I’m not a believer as such, but I love the meaning of the quote and I hope that maybe there is a place that we will meet the ones we lost.
      Mum was very tired .. and she had been around for a very long time – as she said on Friday .. the old engine is finished. She had prepared me for quite a while.
      When she let go .. it happen very quickly and I’m so happy for that.
      Once again .. thanks for your lovely support and comfort.

  5. how could I leave such a wonderful person as you……….you have been on my mind so much Vivi. My heart and thoughts are with you. You take your time. Do what you need to do, breathe deep and I will be here waiting for you. big hugs

    • A big hug back, Terry … thank you.
      Your thoughts and your comfort means a lot to me – and I’m really okay. I carry this warmth in my heart and I constantly thinking of her, but I do it with a smile … there isn’t any sadness just now … maybe it will come back, maybe not.
      She prepared me so well *smile She knew I was ready too.

  6. We all understand so completely. Quality of life is so important and I think we all know that there comes a time when we must all let go. It takes a strong person to be able to do that…you and your mother were ready to know when that time would come and how to deal with it. My thoughts are with you…hugs from your friend.

    • Karen, thanks for your hugs .. and comforting words. They went straight into my software – will have the weekend with friends .. Tuesday is when the practical part of it all starts. I think a lot of mom, but I do it with a smile. At least now. Have a great weekend. Thanks again for the support.

    • Yes, I try too – but yesterday I had a rough day, also because another of the strong women I became close to during my cancer journey has passed away … she got her cancer back. Only me left of 5 women, so I got a bit stressed yesterday.

  7. A huge hug for you Viveka. We all need to mourn the passing of our loved ones, one way or the other. Come back when you are ready, we’ll be here.

    • Thank you so much for your comfort … on my way to spend the weekend with good friends of mine.
      Please, don’t forget me *smile – have a great weekend now.

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  9. Not going anywhere… I missed and miss you dear Viveka, you know you are always in my heart, be fine and have a nice time dear, Thanks and Love, nia

    • Thanks, Nia … just what I need to know just now … I hope you stay safe – can see on the news that there is still problems. Be careful, Nia.

  10. You do what you need to do – we are with you, thinking of you and waiting for you…Take your time. I know that you know, that nature is a great comforter and healer. You will get time to think and rest. Let your mind go and your thoughts wander freely. We will be here.

    I answered your mail – but i understand that you might not have read it. Take care and we’ll hear from each other.

    • Hi there, I haven’t got any email. Little upset tonight … alone at moms place .. don’t know where to start. *smile
      I will give you a call one evening. Staying until Friday. Thanks for your support and comfort.

  11. Oh, sweetheart.. this is just the saddest time in a person’s life. I know I don’t have the words to help you through, I am just wishing you all the comfort in the world. I, too, agree that she is in a wonderful place now. Sending lots of love! xxxx Barb

    • Barbara, life we only borrow … a loan – I’m so happy that mom didn’t have to suffer more than she did – she was so tired. It went very quick and I’m so happy over that. Thanks for your kindness and thoughts.

  12. You’re sweet, Viveka. People will miss you, you realise? Yours is a vibrant, quality and diverse blog. I LOVE it.

    As for that good sleep and that peace you felt: wonderful, & you deserve it.

  13. Take care of yourself, don’t lose touch with people who help and nourish yo, and allow TIME. And please, allow whatever feelings, however strange or inappropriate they may seem at the time, to surface and subside. That’s how it might be for awhile, surfacing and subsiding, like the music you chose here.

    • Thank you so much for your caring and for your lovely comforting words – I will be okay .. the practical side of it started today and no rush for anything, great … I have time to adjust that mom isn’t around, but she are in my heart …
      Love the music tune too, really beautiful version of the String song.

  14. I’ll be here. Again, I am so sorry. It sounds like you are very accepting of it, which means to me that you had a special relationship with your mother, and this is about her, not you. You will miss her, but she will be with you in everything you do. I love your music. Take care, and do what you need to do for yourself. 🙂

    • You know, my mom had made her mind up – months ago and every time we met she said things that prepared me … she didn’t want to be around anymore and nearly 91 years old, she was tired. She was a very special lad -y – and she are in my heart all the time now. She was clear as a crystal bowl in her head, but her body had slowly given up on her, she didn’t have a quality life anymore. Thanks for your caring and your comfort.

      • That was my mom, too. When she could no longer hold her head up to play bridge because her neck hurt, I knew her fight for life was almost over. She lived two more weeks. She decided to go off dialysis the day before the vein in her arm collapsed, and she could no longer have dialysis. She died the day before she would have had her next treatment. It’s almost like she had her death timed, and she lived life to the fullest she was able to live with her declining health until then. It sounds like your mother did exactly the same thing. I hope this wasn’t too autobiographical for you when you are suffering your loss. Lots of words just to say, I know this is a crazy time of MIXED feelings for you, none of them wrong. Lots of love and hugs, Marsha 🙂

      • Totally agree, it’s very mixed feelings …. Thanks for sharing your mom’s story – hopefully we get the chance to decide when it’s time for us to leave and be able to finish our journey when we want to. Mom had made it very clear that she didn’t want to be kept alive with any machines.

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