Today was it time for me to say goodbye to Bodil – that gave up her fight against her cancer 2 weeks ago. Wonderful, funny, beautiful and brave Bodil.
The service was so beautiful and and the little church was nearly full – I had 4 red roses with me – I also said goodbye to Eva-Lott, Edla and Doris, that I wasn’t able to say goodbye to in person. 
When I came home I just felt that it’s time for me to leave “the waiting room of death” and let the girls watch over me, let come what may – time to take that giant leap – and “kiss the sorry ass” of the cancer and problems goodbye (as the song says). Stop to worry when the body don’t behave normal, when my bladder stings more then it did the day before, when I leak like a sieve, when I bleed and when my feet are so numb I can’t feel them.
So I dictate this song to my demons. Let me dance ’til my shoes cry …. Let me breathe. Every time I getting down and start to worry too much will I play the this song so loud as possible and dance to it – just LET ME BE!!!! For deep inside I’m still so scared.
“The Living Tree”
C. Feeney & N.Lamborn
Let me breathe
‘Cause I’m drowning in your shadow
Let me leave
Respect me, do not follow me
Believe
I can make my own tomorrow
Let me breathe.
Does it make
You feel good ’cause you own me?
Does it take
Your puppet strings to hold me?
How I ache
As you’re trying to control me
Let me breathe.
Let me dance
‘Til my shoes cry
Let me laugh
Let me be.
Let me dance
Let me choose my life
Let me climb the living tree.
Picture this
When you wake up in the morning
And I kiss
Your sorry ass goodbye
What would I miss?
There’s nothing I can think of
As I leave
Let me dance
‘Til my shoes cry
Let me laugh
Let me be.
Let me dance
Let me choose my life
Let me climb the living tree.
Beautiful post.
Maralee, thank you so much – I cried so at the funeral, but I in all honesty a lot of the tears was for myself – it really hit me .. I’m so scared.
I’m sure it did. With all you’ve been through, it is very scary. All we can do is live each day the best we can and fight the demons as hard as we can.
Maralee … so true !!! Just so tired to have the demons around – but today I decided that some of them are a part of me and going to be so until *smile So better to except them ..
My thoughts are with you tonight Viveka…
Thank you ever so much … tomorrow is a new day *smile
Very moving!
Thank … You!
I first want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your friend. It was their turn and they had suffered enough. I wish I could give you a big hug right now, because this is how much you mean to me. You are a strong woman, who fights with all you have. It is not your turn, there is much for you to do yet on this earth. Will will give me hope and tell me what they like and don’t like that I write, if you were not here. Blow your nose, wipe the tears, and let our hearts touch each other in strength. I love you my dear friend.
Terry, you are special. Feel good now – it helped to get it out of the system. Have decided not to worry when “shit” happens with my body, but the fear and it hits me at times when the old body don’t have it’s best days. Bodil really suffered badly in the end .. and she asked the doctors for the finale injection for weeks, but laws are laws. She went for a week holiday to her beloved Mallorca together with her family – just before she became seriously sick. Only 5 weeks before she died. Thanks for the .. hugs.
you are welcome, i made a blog song for you and also a new blog with you in mind, faith and friendship. love ya my friend
I saw that .. thanks a million – but the video is black – but it’s my PC … will come back later. Have cleaned all the caches and cookies. You’re a such a thoughtful person, Terry !!!
Thinking of you and wishing your strength, determination and happiness–all the way from Michigan!
Heather, thank you so much … will cherish!
Viveka, you are awesome. This post and song are wonderfully symbolic and freeing. Hugs to you my blogging sister.
Lori, thanks a million … will put the hugs with me under the duvet. Yes, this has been a song that has been with for a couple of years .. and I listen a lot to it during my treatments. The text suits any struggle really.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Viveka. Stay strong and keep your beautiful spirit up! <3
So sorry to read of your loss. Have lost too many to cancer on my end. Hugs to you!!!!!
Yes, those women I met during my journey – has become very special to me – Bodil was the first I met. Have lost 4 friends in 1,5 hrs. And it reminds me about my own situation too, but it’s a new day now! Thank you so much.
Yes, those women I met during my journey – has become very special to me – Bodil was the first I met. Have lost 4 friends in 1,5 hrs. And it reminds me about my own situation too, but it’s a new day now! Thank you so much.
What a beautiful tribute to your friend. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Cindy!
I am so sorry to hear your loss too dear Viveka. You did a wonderful post. Thanks and Love, nia
Thank you, Nia … to meet women with cancer – I think where is always a big risk that somebody with give up their fight. Been to the hospital today and talked with the staff that handle my chemo treatments and they told me that “my group” haven’t had that lucky outcome – I’m hopefully the prof of the pudding. *smile
beautiful! You have so much life in you and spirit and humor! The waiting room of the death is nothing for you. You go girl!!!
Malin, thank you … so much for your support – there is days when I sit in that waiting room for hours before I get the strength to leave – but now will the visits be more seldom. Going to dance “’til my shoes cry” instead.
Thinking of you and your sad loss.
Linda, yesterday evening back home .. I felt so sad over my own situation.
Today was going for a check up .. have 4 different places to go 4 times per year – today I went to the wrong one – went to wrong department on the the wrong hospital. What a carry on.
Oh dear! Hope you get sorted.
They phoned Malmö hospital for me and I was forgiven, have to wait for a new appointment now. Typical me.
May your memories of your friend keep you dancing with life in her spirit.
*smile …. I totally got that wrong – *smile … Sorry, Frank – I’m sure that Bodil will make sure that .. I will dance for quite a few year yet to come, even if the feet hurts. She loved to dance too.
Good to hear that she will keep you dancing ….
…. btw – you will learn that I also enjoy ballroom.
Believe it or not …. have a post about that too – my ballroom dancing – http://wp.me/p293Pw-2iQ
Continue to dance my friend…dance until your shoes cry. You must keep your spirit and never give up.
Karen, I promise …. anyhow when it do come over .. will I play the song and I will forget my worries – think it’s such a great song.